Bust a Sag; or, Learning to Pre-screen Our Applicants


Whipping his silver Dodge Charger into the lot, the kid parked at an angle, occupying two spots.  New York Yankees hat on sideways — a wide flat bill overhanging his left ear like an awning — and busting a lowdown sag in his skinny jeans, he jumped from the driver’s seat and darted up the stairs.

“Nice!” he said when I opened the door.  “Nice!”

We introduced ourselves and shook hands; his clammy grip felt boneless.

“C’mon in,” I said.  “Look around.”


With jerky movements and a caffeinated energy, he fluttered through the 850 square feet.  Everything was “Nice!” — including the new fridge, which he yanked open and slammed shut like a hungry teenager.

“So,” he said, “what do I do if someone parks in my spot?”

I looked out the window: he was parked in two spots, neither of them his, nor would they ever be.

“And the price?” he asked.  “Any way we could get that lowered?”

Once we were rid of the kid, we locked up, and, having shown the place three times at this point — and to the first three interested parties — we realized we needed a refinery, a filter, a way to pre-screen before we unlocked the doors.  My wife and I both have day jobs; the trips to show the apartment consumed off-time hours: we wanted them to be quality, not quantity.

So what did we do?  How did we learn to weed out the no-brainers?  Google, of course.  A quick search of “how to find quality tenants” came back with several hits, and a few easy tweaks to our process floated to the top.

Stay tuned for How We Learned to Pre-screen Our Applicants, Part 2, in which we discuss our refining techniques that worked overnight to leave us with qualified, interested applicants.


Detective Landlord: Screening Tenant Applicants

Social media, of course: A recent prospective tenant had an open Facebook page – listed at the top of her favorite things to read: Hightimes magazine; and her favorite movie: Blow

Not necessarily bad, right?  Well … One look in the photo gallery … A caption below the first picture — of her holding up a giant margarita — read, “Gettin it krunk b4 gettin my club on.”

Stamp it: DENIED.

A thorough application: Another prospect left part of our application blank, so I called and explained that in order to review her application, I’d need the answers to a few questions she “forgot” to fill in: Do you smoke? Yes.  Have you ever been evicted from a property? No.  Have you declared bankruptcy in the last ten years? Yes.

A little fishy, right?  So I called the listed current landlord for a reference.  Somewhat suspicious at this point, I started with, “Are you listed as the property owner in the courthouse tax records?”

“Uh, no, I, uh, he owns a lot.  I, uh, manage a few.”

“I see.  Could you give me his contact info?”

“Yeah, sure, I’ll call you right back with it.”

I never heard back.  Stamp it: DENIED.

Keep em coming …